Advanced Training: 8 Strangest Things I Heard This Year

While our guys certainly know how to move big weights and train like savages, they certainly say some strange things during our training sessions.

I felt it was my duty to share some of these gems with the rest of the world, so I began writing them down over the course of the year.

Here are just a few of my favorites.

Deer in the Road

When explaining why he was 10 minutes late for a training session, one of our athletes said, "Coach, there was this deer in the road and he wouldn't move. He was just standing there in front of my car and I couldn't drive."

Right ....

Abandoned Sheet

After a training session, I found one of our guy's training sheets on the floor by the preacher curl rack. It looked like he had crumbled it up in a ball and was preparing to shoot it in the garbage can.

He either had a terrible shot or was too lazy to actually throw it.

Either way, leaving your training sheet behind is a major faux pas in Advanced Training.

I immediately texted him.

Me: "Did you leave your sheet in the gym"

Athlete S: "No"

Me: "I am holding it in my hands right now"

Athlete S: "Oh yeah, I left it there for you"

Me: "I found it crumbled in a ball by the curl rack"

Athlete S: "Yeah, that is where I left it for you"

Pulled Groin

Athlete J: "Nice program Coach. All you try to do is hurt people."

Me: "What happened?"

Athlete J: "I just pulled my groin."

Me: "How?"

Athlete J: "Doing pull-ups."

Most Beautiful Girl in the World

In an effort to get our guys to brace more on deadlift, I ask them to flex their triceps as they go down to grab the barbell.

To enhance my training cue, I always tell the athlete, "Imagine the most beautiful girl in the world is walking down the steps of the gym and you want to show off how jacked your triceps are."

To make it more tangible, I ask them to specifically name a girl they had in mind. By giving a name, I know the guys are not simply blowing off my visualization technique.

Normally, I get the traditional names like Kate Upton or Megan Fox.

Well, in early 2015 someone decided that being a normal human being wasn't an option.

Here is how it went down.

Me: "Flex your triceps on the way down"

Athlete F: "I am"

Me: "No ... act like the most beautiful girl in the world is coming down the steps right now and you want to show her how jacked you are"

Athlete F: "Okay"

Me: "Who is the girl?"

W.A.I.T. F.O.R. I.T......

Athlete F: "Emma Watson"

Me: "Who is Emma Watson?"

Athlete F: "The girl from Harry Potter"

Everyone Else in the Gym: (uncontrollable laughter / disappointment)

In this athlete's defense, most of us were picturing Hermione and not the real life Emma Watson.

Also in this athlete's defense, Emma Watson was named one of the most beautiful woman in 2015 by Wonderslist.

Regardless, it was still a terrible answer and he has been mercilessly shamed for it ever since.

Hitting a PR

It was a deload week and one of our new athlete's walks into the gym with his chest puffed out and his head held high.

He whips out his cell phone and proceeds to tell me I am the greatest coach ever.

While he is certainly right, I am very intrigued how anything on his cell phone would help validate that.

Me: "What's on your phone?"

Athlete: "A video of me hitting a PR (personal record) on back squat in my basement. I never have been able to get 315 until I started training with you."

Me: "When did you do this?"

Athlete: "Last night."

Me: "Why would you workout like this (a) during our 16 week training program and (b) during a deload week?"

Athlete: "I wasn't working out. I was just going for a PR."

This guy didn't just throw paint on the Mona Lisa. He burnt it to the ground and danced around the ashes.

Meal Plan

Athlete J: "Coach, I didn't have breakfast or lunch today. Do you think I should go to McDonald's and get all of today's calories in one meal?"

Me: "Absolutely. Your body didn't need any nutrition prior to or during the training session we had. That is a very healthy way to live (all said sarcastically.)

Strained Hamstring

"I think it is from drinking too much and being hung over."

This is what an athlete said was the cause of his strained hamstring.

He believed drinking too much caused him to be dehydrated, thereby causing the discomfort he felt.

I guess he thought a lack of focus on mobility, technique, and rest had absolutely nothing to do with it?

Or, he takes all of his life advice from Jamie Foxx.

Big Calves

Athlete M: "Coach, I am not mentioning names, but a guy you used to train told me he is trying to get insanely overweight so he can get huge calves."

Me: "... ... .... "

I actually had and still have no response to this.

All I can say is that all members of Advanced Training have some pretty yoked calves. It comes from years of Olympic lifts and daily jump rope sessions.

To prove my point, here is a picture of the point of triple extension on an Olympic Lift. Do you really think binge eating is going to work your calves more than this?

To further prove my point, I have provided 2 pictures of my calves. (Getting any pictures of me on this site is rare, so you know this is an epic moment.)

I am absolutely no light weight, but I am also not insanely overweight.

These calves are simply a by-product of the way we train.