I look up from my plate of steak salad (yeah I said salad) and see your typical group of guys at the bar.
Baseball hats ...
Football Jerseys ...
Even some corny wristbands ....
Anything to make themselves feel like more of an athlete.
I try to focus on eating my salad, but their incessant screaming at the TV is making me sick.
I am really not sure how a man who never played a down of football in his life is qualified to question the ability of a professional football player.
Put pads on for a week and then maybe you can yell at David Diehl for missing a block.
Oh I forgot ...
You are qualified ...
You are a professional GM ...
Or at least that is what the commissioner of your Fantasy Football League is telling you.
Do you really think you know more about football than I do just because you know how many TD's Peyton Manning threw last week?
Stop ...
I have broken down more film on a Tuesday then you have in your entire life.
Do you really think that your decision to start Alshon Jeffery over Dwayne Bowe makes you more of a man?
Please ...
It is decisions like this that have made football soft.
It is the reason why QB's are allowed to slide without getting hit (even though they pretended to be a running back only a few seconds ago) ...
It is why you cannot even breathe on a Wide Receiver without getting a flag...
All so YOU can collect your precious fantasy points...
Terrible ...
You are probably the same guy who thinks you are "Warriors" because you stay up all night playing Call of Duty.
This is my official challenge to all the grown men out there.
Stop living in a fantasy world.
Stop living your life through the athletic feats of others.
Get off your couch, get out of the bar, and get your way onto a field to experience what real competition feels like.
If you are too old or too injured to still compete, get yourself into some heavy training.
Push yourself to the very limit so you know what it feels like to really be alive.
Then and only then will I allow you to yell at David Diehl.
On a weird note, I have to wrap up this blog so I can go develop a depth chart for next season. This is actually a real depth chart, composed of athletes that I will actually be coaching and making better. These are athletes that I will be developing into men. They are athletes I will sweat with in football camp, freeze with in November, and cry with when their career is over.
You can never get that from Fantasy Football.
The sad thing is, you probably wouldn't want it anyway.
It's too real.
2 comments:
Awesome, awesome stuff.
Why would a grown man ever get involved with something defined as "fantasy". Every time a fantasy football guy uses the word fantasy (ie: my fantasy team) they should have to say it in a fairy-esque voice.
Would holding a wand and wearing wings be required as well?
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